Adoption Documentary

joannafreitag · Joined: 22 Feb 2006 Posts: 1

Can't wait to check out D's documentary on his adoption experience. I am an adult adoptee from NC that has been searching for my birth parents for two years now. It's a tough road to travel and those of us who are adopted certainly know the challenges that we face every day. I believe so strongly in the rights of adult adoptees that I now serve on a board in NC working on Adoption Reform in NC. Holla!

Congratulations on your journey, D! Can't wait to see your documentary!

JF

JMJ_Forever · Joined: 01 Aug 2005 Posts: 15

yeah me too, unfortunately I don't get VH1...I'll have to get my hands on the show later on....anyone gonna record it? maybe on DVD?

swamprock76 · Joined: 26 Feb 2006 Posts: 2

After seeing the VH1 special last night, I had to post something!

Watching DMC go through everything like he did brought back all of the emothions I went through. I completely understand the feelinig of needing to find your roots. I don't talk to my birth famiy nearly as much as my "real" family, but it has definitely filled something in me I always wondered about.

I am 35 now, but I was 8 years old when I found out I was adopted. There was not one single day that I didn't think about the fact that I was different than most people - including my parents. I always wondered why thiese people gave me up and they went on to have more children (brothers and sisters).

Well, my dad (my "real" dad that I grew up with) died in 2000. Soon after that I realized that I better start my search before my birth family is gone.

I ended up finding my birthmom 4 years ago. I knew her name from adoption papers and letters. I went to 1800USsearch.com and paid for a listing of all women in the US with that name. There were 4 or 5 really nice ladies that contacted me just to wish me luck! My birthmom called about 2 weeks later. She told me it took a while to build up the courage to call me back and tell her family about me. We wanted to make arrangements to meet, but I needed to tell my "real" mom. This was the tough part.

My wife and I flew from NJ to FL so we could do this in person. I say "we" because my wife is my biggest support system and I probably would have never done any of this without her. I told my mom mom that SHE is my mom, but I have a strong need to meet this lady that gave bith to me. It wasn't the easiest conversation, but my mom is one undertanding woman and she fully supported me.

This is really where the VH1 special hit home to me. I had forgotten how it felt to meet my birthmom. We sat and held hands for a few minutes before any words at all. Then I told her how I may have had feelings of abandonment over the years (and that I think that is natural) but that I never hated her. I loved her very much for giving me to a family that loved me so much. She then told me how she had feelings of guilt over the years and never stopped loving me or hoping that I would contact her some day.

I then went on to meet my 2 half brothers and my half sister (she married someone other than my birth father). Since meeting them, I have met and gotten to know A LOT more of my birth familes. My birthfather died when he was 34, so I will never get to meet him. It's been a rollercoaster, but I have zero regrets about finding them.

I have heard or reuniting stories not going very well - where a birth mother was really upset by having a child bringing up things they wanted to forget. I am so happy that my meeting went so well and that DMC was fortunate enough to have it go well too!! Congrats!!!

Thanks for sharing your story DMC. Hope nobody minds that I just shared mine too!!!

Indi · Joined: 01 Mar 2006 Posts: 1

Wow, that documentary really hit home, I really felt Daryl’s process as he went through it. I was adopted from birth and was aware of being an adoptee my whole life. For one it was obvious, I was a brown skinned person in a white skinned family.... so I was always aware of being different. I never really thought about being adopted that much growing up until I reached 18 years old. I finally felt the need to seek out my biological parents. Fortunately my adopted parents helped me all the way in finding my parents and tracked down both my biological mom and dad. It was very scary and exhilarating the first times meeting my biological parents and I could relate to allot of the emotions Daryl was going through. I agree with Daryl that it’s very important to understand your roots and to realize all aspects of oneself. To deny that from yourself is denying the wholeness of yourself all of what you are. Once I found out where I came from, I had a whole new understanding of who I was and how much more I could be. It has been a very fulfilling experience and I am very thankful for being able to find my biological parents.

One thing that really bothers me is that my adopted dad’s first son was not his biological son and his son has grown up his whole life not knowing his biological father. I would love to let him know the truth but my family forbids this information to come out. He is about 43 years old now and maybe if I can get my parents to watch Daryl’s documentary they might understand that a man of like age can survive this news of being adopted and grow positively from it. They are just concerned that it would shatter his sense of self and wouldn’t be a good thing.

I’m 32 years now and getting close to a time where I’m considering having children of my own, and I am seriously considering adopting a child also. If I was never adopted and not fortunate to have been blessed by a loving family I don’t know where I would have wound up. I really feel strongly about continuing this tradition of adoption that my family had started in our family. God knows there are plenty of children out there that need mothers and fathers in their life.

I just want to say Thank You Daryl! Than you for sharing your life with us and showing us how one can grow positively from new found knowledge such as being adopted, especially learning about it in the later years of your life.

~Peace to all
-Josh

cdunne2 · Joined: 05 Mar 2006 Posts: 1

:) I was overflowing with emotion after watching the documentary! I feel every person considering adoption should watch this. My husband and I adopted identical twin boys when they were 12 weeks old and they are 4+1/2 years old now. We have a very strong relationship with the birthmother and her parents, including a family gathering once a year, when she and her family join the boys and us for an enjoyable afternon together. We also call each other and exchange many cards, letters and pictures. My boys know that she loves them and will always love them and that she took part in choosing us as their "forever family" and that she and her family and the birthfather and his family are their family, too. At this young age, they obviously find much about adoption confusing, but also feel comfortable talking about it and proud that they are loved so much by so many. Watching DMC's story gives me hope that my children will not have to search for the facts, because they are there, and their birth family is very accessible. When the day comes that the struggle with the questions about why they did not keep them, we hope we have laid out a map that will mark the path to the answers they are seeking. Even though we can't spare them the pain of feeling as if they have an altered identity and many unanswered emotional questions; DMC's story makes me feel even more strongly that adoptive parents need to forego their insecurities and open up adoption to their children so they may feel it is a natural and loving process rather than a secretive and shameful thing. I am so proud and in awe of the love and self-sacrifice of my childrens' birthfamily that it challenges me every day to serve my children through openness and compassion with the hope that they will be secure and compassionate adults ready to serve others as well! Thank you so much for your courage, DMC, for sharing your profound journey and thanks to your birthfamily and foreverfamily for allowing a beautiful light to shine on adoption and where it needs to be. God Bless You All! -Christie

christy · Joined: 16 Apr 2006 Posts: 2

I am an adoptive mother to 9 and I am the mother of 12 children all together. It is seeing these posts that asure me that I am doing the right thing. When we adopted our children I gathered as much information about them and their birth families as I possibly could. I even found out their birth mothers first names. I gathered hospital records before everything was closed. Some of my friends and family thought I was crazy at first but, I knew God put it on my heart for the future journey that my children will one day face. I wanted to thank DMC for coming forward with his remarkable story. It has helped me realize that it was the right thing to do. Even the adoption agencies try to encourage you not seek this information and that was so terrible. I have written to my children's birth parents every year hoping that they would repond but, so far we have been told no. I long to get to know my children's birth family. I wanted them to know they are just as much a part of our family as the precious gifts they have bestowed upon us. I have so many milestones to share with them. However, I can only imagine what our birth families must be going through. I will keep the faith and pray one day they will call us.

Peace...........

christy · Joined: 16 Apr 2006 Posts: 2

I am an adoptive mother to 9 and I am the mother of 12 children all together. It is seeing these posts that asure me that I am doing the right thing. When we adopted our children I gathered as much information about them and their birth families as I possibly could. I even found out their birth mothers first names. I gathered hospital records before everything was closed. Some of my friends and family thought I was crazy at first but, I knew God put it on my heart for the future journey that my children will one day face. I wanted to thank DMC for coming forward with his remarkable story. It has helped me realize that it was the right thing to do. Even the adoption agencies try to encourage you not seek this information and that was so terrible. I have written to my children's birth parents every year hoping that they would repond but, so far we have been told no. I long to get to know my children's birth family. I wanted them to know they are just as much a part of our family as the precious gifts they have bestowed upon us. I have so many milestones to share with them. However, I can only imagine what our birth families must be going through. I will keep the faith and pray one day they will call us.

Peace...........

denise108 · Joined: 24 Apr 2006 Posts: 1

I'm not sure if this really applies to me, but I just found out about 2 wks ago that my father is not my biologoical father. All my life I grew with my sisters teasing me that my dad was not really my dad. It was always a joke, but in the back of my mind I always wonder. So my mother and I was riding and I asked her if my dad was really my dad, and she said no. I was very shocked that she actually said that. Later that day, I called my dad on the phone and told him that my mom had told me the truth. Comes to find out, he had no idea either. He said he had doubts and asked my mother when she was pregnant and denied it. My mom only gave me a name and where he use to live 26 yrs ago. I have no idea what to do. My dad and I both feel betrayed, he doesn't want to talk about it b/c he's hurt, my mom doesn't mention it b/c she thinks it's no big deal. All my aunts knew about this, but no one felt the need to tell me. I want to find this person, but I don't want my father to feel betrayed. I can't get any info from my mom b/c she claims she doesn't remember. Some days I feel maybe I'm overreacting by wanting to find this person. No one seems to understand how I feel. All I want is a face with the name, but I have no idea where to begin. Then I was thinking if I find this person, what do I say?? Any advice on where I should begin??

mikeyd02 · Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 1

I am so excited about this site and what DMC has done. I think all of you guys on this site are wonderful. I have worked in adoption for 6 years now and my brother-in-law was adopted as an infant. Most people don't really understand adoption and it's life-long impact on everyone. I think this site and this board can help out people more than anyone could have originally dreamed of! Thanks to the adoptive families and thanks to the wonderful loving birth families! Know that it is always ok to seach, for the girl who found out about her dad not really being her biological dad, but that really doesn't change who he is. He will understand if you search, it might just take him time!